Being yourself is more easily said (or typed) than done. I always believed that I was pretty good at being myself. Or maybe I deluded myself into believing that I was pretty good at being myself. Either way, being ‘me’ has proved to be not as straight-forward as I thought. For example: I want people to like me. Who honestly doesn’t? So, when I’m talking to someone that I don’t know very well or haven’t talked with in a long time, I will begin to imitate them. I will mimic their way of speaking, I will use their slang, I will point out every little thing we have in common. It’s always very awkward. And after the conversation is over, I will come out of my silly state of mind, psychoanalyze the conversation, and berate myself. I promise myself I will be real next time, so people will like me for who I am. Like I wrote in the beginning of this paragraph, easier said than done. I also might go on and on about me and my life and how wonderful I am. I know that’s got to be grating to all but the most patient and kind-hearted of people. Truth be told, it’s a sad cycle.
What about group situations? There I have a totally different problem. I still want other people to like me, but it’s harder to act like just one person because (obviously) it’s a group. So now I will tug and pull and push and shove the spotlight in my direction, until I am standing right in the center of it. And then I’ll put on a ridiculous show. But I’m working on it! It’s the sort of thing that requires the help of God and a personal choice I suppose.
Oh the insecurities!
Thank goodness some people do see past that. And I know it’s not always as bad as I say it is. Otherwise I wouldn’t have all the lovely friends I have now. I do not know why they’ve stuck with me, but I am very glad that they have. 🙂
