Here it is. After looking at it again, the writing really seems pretentious to me, and if there is one thing that I STRONGLY dislike, it’s pretentious writing. And I wasn’t sure if I should mention ‘meeting’ because the judges probably wouldn’t know what that meant, but I decided to put it in there anyway because it’s in context and they’ll probably understand.
The subject was something like “Will you keep the beliefs and values that you kept and were taught when you were younger?”
Every single Sunday morning in my life I have gone to meeting. There is hardly a Sunday I can remember where I haven’t been sitting quietly on a metal folding chair, awaiting the first hymn. My mother and father have brought me up to have a firm belief in God adn to follow his direction. The’ve taken me to meeting every Sunday. They’ve given me their advice. They’ve modeled their faith to me for fourteen years. So naturally I hae beliefs and values almost identical to theirs. They’ve been there for me when I’ve succumbed to doubht. Doubt in the existence of caring Father or a designed world. But with their help and with God’s help I have overcome that doubt, and I plan and believe that my faith will grow and become continually stronger. I believe that what my parents have taught me and the beliefs and values that I have held since I was very small are unquestionably right, and will always remain so.
Some may call me foolish or say that I am a sheep, blindly following a path already marked for me, with no tolerance for other ideas. I know better. My parents have ensured that I know both sides of an argument well. My Dad sits down with my brother and I on most nights and we read books about different worldviews and arguments for and against intelligent design. Dad explains it all, and we learn and ask questions so I know what I believe and why I blieve it. I know that my beliefs, my faith and my values wills tay with me for the rest of my life.
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Weak ending, bad grammar, no fluidity, wandering off into other topics, pretentious… I am not happy about (and rather embarrassed of) this essay. But practice makes perfect, they say. Onward!
Regardless of what anyone else thinks, Kelly, I give this essay a 12! Bravo! You go girl!
Ruthie
oops, I mean a 6, since that is the highest that any 1 reader can give an essay!
Thank you very much!! 🙂
Kelly, I like your essay too.
Lynn
Thank you Mrs. Wilson! I really am glad that both you and Ruthie like it… I still kind of haven’t figured out what would sound good to other people and I’m glad for your input.