This is the normal view I see from my easy chair. The chair is a Barcalounger, just like the one my dad used for the entire time I lived with him. The one where all of us kids rifled to find spare change that dropped there from his pockets. The view is about average for a winter day–not as good as some days, but better than others. Lorena chose this chair and bought it for me along with a matching couch for the living room. Even though the view from the chair is spectacular and we love the house and everything about it, we are thinking about a change. We are not sure whether we will do it or not. It largely depends on both my work and where the kids land. More importantly, it is about where we might be a help. This is a hard thing to know and balance. It makes me want to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
Tag: Grandpa Milo
This is what I see from my BarcaLounger easy chair from the living room of our new house. It is one of those gifts that come along serendipitously every now and then that the chair Lorena picked out for me as an easy chair to use for reading books and just relaxing in the living room. It is truly serendipitous that it is a BarcaLounger. That was precisely the one luxury my father, Grandpa Milo afforded himself with the full complicity of Grandma Sarah even during the most difficult of times. It saddens me that he never got to see where Lorena and I ended up. None of his kids really aspired to have a place like the one he developed from literally a bare patch of dirt with a late 1800’s farmhouse on it (forged square nails and full-size 2×4 rough lumber framing) into a destination location called The Water Oasis–truly a showcase. We never expected to be at a place like this, but here we are–a smallish (2¼ acres) lot with a house built in the 1980’s we are slowly (as we have resources) upgrading into a place of which Grandpa Milo might have been quite proud. We are sorry he is not here to give us advice along the way, but having his signature BarcaLounger is a small help and an inspiration. Even though we know we will never arrive at the sublime level of Milo-ness that turned into The Water Oasis, this is definitely a nod in that direction.
Grandpa Milo died January 1. Dad was one of those bigger than life guys who started his life in a migrant farm worker family picking hops, beans and strawberries around the state of Oregon as soon as he was old enough to contribute as a small child, but who went on to all kinds of unique success in business, the military and even in school. He worked physically hard his entire life, even when he no longer needed to. He, like Grandma Sarah, was always a champion of the underdog loving much and doing more than his part in every setting. I do not want to turn this into a eulogy, there will be time for that later, but I wanted to mark his passing with just a few memories and thoughts.
In spite of the fact that I have appeared to be more like my father both in appearance and personality than my other siblings, we were very different from each other in character. It was of great joy to all of us that Aunt Julia is the one who was most like Dad in character and she had a special bond with him because of it. She was the one who had Grandpa Milo’s blond hair and blue eyes, too. Still, each of us kids had a very special and unique bond with Dad. My relationship with him was very, very close. We spoke in person or on the phone several times per week for my entire life–lessening some once I got married and had kids, but never disappearing.
It was one of the great joys of my life to discover that it did not matter that I did not have the same entrepreneurial drive as Grandpa Milo nor great joy in physical labor although I learned to tolerate it a lot more for having been his son. A lot of superficial stuff got in the way of my discovery of that fact. I assumed my success in business, sports, finances and, to a lesser degree, education were important to Dad. My epiphany was that Dad was more interested in my relationship with Jesus, the fulfillment of my responsibilities as a husband, father and member of society and my happiness than any success in following his footsteps with respect to this temporal life–probably in that order.
The picture with this post is of Dad in his mid-70’s. Alzheimer’s disease must have already been working on Dad when this was taken, but no one could tell yet. We like to think it was because of his ever ebullient spirit. He and one of our ministers who had labored in Ecuador for many years stopped on a several mile hike at over 10,000 feet of altitude to eat some oranges that grow there ubiquitously. He did not talk at all about how onerous it must have been–it is hard to breath at 10,000 feet when you live close to sea level, especially when you are over 70 and on an uphill hike. Rather, he reveled in the amazing amount of juice in the oranges and the beauty of the scenery. That was so typical of him. He was not there because he wanted an adventure although he reveled in that, too. He was there to take a friend who could not have made the trip on his own to see his twin brother, one of our ministers who works in the Philippines and was on a trip to preach in South America.
Kindness for Grandpa Milo and Grandpa Sarah by old friends provided a great, very much needed boost to our move to Texas yesterday. It is hard to express how grateful we are for these friends who have agreed to take on the far from inconsiderable task of getting Grandpa Milo to church. It is really hard for Grandma Sarah to get out much at all any more. These friends met with Grandpa Milo and Grandma Sarah for Sunday and Wednesday meetings for over twenty years, understand Grandpa Milo in his infirmities better than just about anyone else. This is truly a gift, not only from them, but from God.
Betty Blonde #490 – 06/22/2010
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When we drive Grandpa Milo to church, we have time to talk with him. It is a lot of fun and we always learn something. We have to talk about things that happened a long time ago because his short term memory is not so good. Our talk yesterday, as usual was a gift to us. We talked about when he played sports in elementary school and high school in Cottage Grove, Oregon back in the 1940’s. One of my favorite stories that I have heard often was when his high school basketball was doing well, but not as well as the coach desired.
The coach gathered the team around and asked the question in what, I suppose was a rhetorical way, “Are you here to have fun or are you here to win!?”
That was probably the wrong thing to ask a bunch of extremely hard working farmer and logger boys whose brothers had just come back from fighting World War II. Sports were definitively not anything to be taken seriously. No one believed then that the “courage” and “sacrifice” required to participate in sports were a good way to build character. Nor did they believe the exercise they got playing them was anywhere close to the physical duress they experienced when working on the farm or in the woods. So, the idea that it was a builder of character was transparently wrong. That left sports as something to do for fun and, to a much smaller extent, exercise.
Grandpa answered for all of them, “We play for fun. As soon as this quits being fun, we will quit playing basketball.”
Maybe we ought to get back to thinking that way about sports again in our day.
Betty Blonde #489 – 06/21/2010
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It was a little bit of a melancholy night last night. Grandpa Milo’s Alzheimer’s progress slowly but surely.
I told him last night, “Dad, you know we are moving to Texas in a couple of weeks.”
He said, “You are? That is disappointing.”
He had completely forgotten from when we told him last Sunday and a week ago Wednesday. Fortunately, he is in very good hands with my siblings all close by and friends from church willing and able to get him to Sunday morning meeting, the Wednesday night Bible studies and the various gospel meetings. Still it is a hard thing. It is getting harder and harder for him to get in and out of the car. He insists on doing everything himself still, but is less able by a great deal than when we got here. It is hard to see because he was truly a great father
Grandma Sarah’s mind is good, but she really finds it difficult to leave home now for anything other than doctor’s appointments. I just feel very, very grateful for parents who had my best interest at heart and, much more than that, have loved and depended on God for so long in their lives, it is now a habit that consoles them and all of us in their old age.
Betty Blonde #487 – 06/17/2010
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Lorena and I pick Grandpa Milo and Grandma Sarah up on Sundays to take them to church. It was nice to see Uncle Doug and Aunt Jean there at the assisted living home when we arrived yesterday. Aunt Julia had come a couple of days earlier because she went out of town this weekend. All of us kids, of course, brought food, the last thing any of us needed–including Grandpa Milo.
It is not an easy thing to navigate the issues associated with Alzheimer’s disease, but I am very grateful for siblings how are all fully engaged. Aunt Julia really carries the brunt of it. She is the one who gets called for the day-to-day issues, but she calls the rest of us whenever she needs help. Lorena and I visit two or three times per week for church. Doug does all the bookkeeping which takes a significant effort. Jean visits a lot and is Julia’s right arm.
The good news is they are in a good place and are happy. They are obviously eating quite well.
Betty Blonde #386 – 01/07/2010
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Grandpa Milo and Grandma Sarah, my father and mother, currently live in a memory care unit in the Portland area. We live just a little south of Portland and have been meeting with a different church than them. They have declined to the point where they now need us to come and get them to go to our meetings on Sundays and Wednesdays. We got permission from our ministers and will look forward to having more time with them. It is the reason we are in Oregon so we are thankful for the opportunity.
Betty Blonde #292 – 08/31/2009
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Grandpa Milo did lots of interesting things in his life. One of them was that he built a half-acre concrete pond on his little farm outside of Newberg, Oregon. It was a filtered pond with a three foot waterfall and a 12 foot waterfall, a Japanese garden, volleyball beach, a cabaña for parties and much, much more. He put in several thousand petunia’s every year along with a lot of other flowers so it was absolutely beautiful. Aunt Julia found the original plan he made on some computer paper and I thought I would put it up here for posterity.
Grandpa sold it to some folks who turned it into a wedding location when he retired. Here is the view from Google maps:
Betty Blonde #288 – 08/25/2009
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Day 991 of 1000
I am going to write a few posts over the next few days about the graduations that occurred on May 9th (Christian) and May 10th (Kelly). We thoroughly enjoyed all of it. I thought I would start off with our visitors. Aunt Julia was very kind to fly out with Grandpa Milo. It would not have been possible otherwise. We were very much humbled and impressed with the care Aunt Julia showed toward Grandpa Milo with the current state of his memory. She gave us a very good lesson in how to think about all this and particularly, how to treat a person with this condition and enjoy them in their current frame of mind. For his part, Grandpa Milo was an enormous addition to the celebration. We can only imagine how much impoverished the event would have been without his presence.
Grandma Sarah, the great higher education advocate in our family could not attend, but was here in spirit. Even though our dear friend Gladys would have been a fabulous addition to the party if Grandma Sarah would have been able to make it, she was absolutely essential in Grandma Sarah’s absence. She is so kind and accomplished in her treatment of people, especially in these kinds of celebrations, we could not have done it this nicely without her. Beside listening to everyone, helping out in every way she can, and always saying the uplifting thing, she (as always) did one other thing that brought great joy to the festivities: She truly enjoyed herself and had a smile on her face the whole time.
I will talk a little bit more about the events of the weekend in subsequent posts, but for this post, we just want to thank Grandpa Milo, Aunt Julia, and Gladys who made such a great effort to be with us to celebrate the kids graduation.
Betty Blonde #112 – 12/19/2008
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This picture arrived by email this morning. It is from the Cottage Grove Sentinel newspaper in Cottage Grove, Oregon. Grandma Sarah is the one on the left in the front row with the pink blouse. Grandpa Milo is two her right, behind her. The 65th Cottage Grove High School reunion took place last month. For those who do not know, Grandpa Milo was the student body president his senior year in high school.
Day 609 of 1000
We live a long way from Grandpa Milo and Grandma Sarah. Every day I have reason to be thankful for my three siblings who have done all the heavy lifting in getting them to where they need to go for the care that they need. They are in a memory care home now home which was a big change. Some people do not understand so well. Memory care is different from other kinds of assisted living, but often necessary. Dad and Mom are in a place close to all three of my siblings where Dad can work in the garden and still get around quite a bit.
I am also very thankful for friends. My childhood friend, Curt and his wife Rhonda had a potluck after meeting last weekend and invited the folks over since that used to be their meeting. They had a great time. There are other friends who pick them up and take them places. We appreciate it all a lot. Hopefully, we will be out there a little closer as soon as our kids graduate from college in the spring of next year.
We had a great Thanksgiving dinner. Here are a few photos:
First the guests of honor. We were profoundly humbled that Gladys was able to spend Thanksgiving with us.
Also my old boss Andrew and his (soon to be) veterinarian Sara. We were especially thankful these people were so gracious to listen to Grandpa Milo’s and Dad’s stories. We are hoping they make this a tradition with us!
It does not seem like it is Thanksgiving if Grandpa Milo is not taking charge of the cooking.
Lorena cooked, too!
Grandma Sarah is her usual joyful self.
Kelly gives instruction to Kiwi about not bothering the guests while they are eating.
We all have a great time. This must have been during one of Grandpa Milo’s “true” stories.
We sat at the table from about 2:30 PM to about 8:30 PM. It was an awesome Thanksgiving!
Update: Warren (who is often with us for Thanksgiving) has a wonderful Thanksgiving post here.
Day 94 of 1000
Last night, we had a wonderful dinner of French onion soup, french bread, cheddar cheese, and pizza. It sounds a little odd writing it, but it tasted great. We all sat around the table and talked for a couple of hours after dinner, then made our way to the couch and continued talking until about 1:00 AM this morning. We got the turkey in at around 9:00 AM. Andrew and Sara will show up just in time for dinner. I will put some cooking and eating pictures up later.
Day 93 of 1000
My plan was to take some pictures of our visitors–Grandpa Milo, Grandma Sarah, and our dear friend Gladys–and post them here on the blog last night. Grandpa Milo lost his luggage (it came to the house later that evening), we came home through heavy traffic, ate Lorena’s amazing Kung Pao Chicken for dinner, went to Gospel meeting, ate some chocolate chip cookies, and talked until midnight. None of that should have prevented me from posting a few pictures, but everything was SO interesting and we were enjoying ourselves SO much, it just slipped my mind. I will try to do better tonight.
It is GREAT to have them here. I have decided that we really need to buy a mini-van for these kinds of visits. Our total automobile capacity right now is eight people and that is just not enough.
Day 92 of 1000
Grandpa Milo, Grandma Sarah, and Gladys (also a Grandma) will arrive at the airport this afternoon to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with us. I am running hard right now, but life should slow down by later today. I will have plenty of pictures to take and posts to write over the next few days. I am really looking forward to it.
Day 65 of 1000
We were amazed back in 2008 that a Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit came to the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences with tons of artifacts. Duke University loaned some old, old bibles from their collection to add to the exhibit. That was one of the highlights of our homeschool year. Then, last spring Christian and Kelly were both required to go to the North Carolina Museum of Art as part of their Art Appreciation class at the community college. Lorena and I took them one Saturday. The collection their is amazing. Now, the Art Museum has brought Rembrandt in America to Raleigh for a three month stay. Grandpa Milo, Grandma Sarah, and our dear friend Gladys are coming for Thanksgiving this year, Maybe we can all go see Rembrandt together. Another hat tip to Andrew. We do not know how he finds all this stuff, but we are glad he does. Maybe we can get he and his bride to tag along with us. Just sayin’.
We also love the North Carolina Museum of History. Our favorite visit there was about North Carolina’s rich pirate history–Blackbeard and all that. We need to start watching all of these museums a little more closely for these types of opportunities.