The belly of the beast

It can get really lonely when you are a long way from home.  I am 3000 miles away from all of my family.  I must admit that, being Milo’s son, I can’t lay claim to being from one of the more sophisticated branches of the Chapman clan.  Nevertheless, those more worldly wise members of the family have often treated us well in spite of our lack of cultivation.  I had no idea how much they really cared.  It seems that ever since we left the comforting and secure confines of rural Oregon, they have been quite worried about us.  They were actually quite beside themselves.  They knew that, while we were not exactly in the belly of the beast, we were close.  We are in the south and there is some limited safety in that.  Most of the folks out here are still pretty suspicious about the revenuers, but Raleigh is only a few hours drive south of Washington, D.C. and that kind of proximity is pretty scary.

My family really wanted to help, but felt they had little to offer, exhausted and depleted as they were after their own escalation of hostilities during the notorious Klamath Water Wars.  Still, they wanted to do something, they just could not think what.  They knew that Milo’s branch of the family is more into gladiolas than Glock’s, so they felt pretty helpless.  But then Merle’s boy, Travis hit on a solution.  I don’t know whether he had been talking to the North Idaho branch of the family, but the solution was perfect.  It turns out that there is something, readily available in all of Klamath County I understand, specifically designed for the sort of apocalyptic conditions we are facing.  It is the official Klamath Falls, Oregon, Obama Survival Kit.  Merle, his baby brother Mark, and Travis felt so strongly that I needed this, that they all chipped in and bought one for our little family.  Pure love.  I understand Mark put off buying a new varmit rifle and they put on a Rocky Mountain oyster pizza fund raiser, just sos they could get the money together to send us an Obama Survival Kit of our very own.  And here it is…

Obama Survival Kit

It consists entirely of a Mossy Oak® pattern camouflage NKJV Bible.  It brought a tear to my eye.  I am thinking about saving up, buying a case or two of these for our brothers up minding their stills in the hills west of here.

I just wanted you all to know how much we appreciated it.