So we went Christmas shopping on Saturday! I think this is the 4th or 5th year that Dad and Mom have let Christian and I shop for gifts for each other and for them. It was fun as it always is! I would tell what I got for each person, but that would ruin the surprise so I’ll just wait for another 11 days. 🙂 I can say this safely though: Each gift is absolutely perfect for it’s corresponding recipient! Also, every year we put together a puzzle for Christmas, and we have discovered that the 750 piece puzzles are just the right size for us. So Dad and I also went to Michael’s and picked up our annual puzzle. They only had three 750 piece puzzles there. Two were of four American pop culture icons (Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Humphrey Bogart, and James Dean) and the only one left was one of 5 cute little kittens and pretty flowers. Which is fine! But you know, kittens do look a lot alike. So do flowers. So it’s a challenge. Hopefully I’ll take a picture of the finished puzzle and post it up after Christmas before our cats get to it.
In school… I wrote my first practice ACT essay last Friday. I did better than I thought I would, but it was much too short, rather badly thought out and had several more flaws that I noticed when I typed it down. But here it is, unedited. Please don’t cringe! (The prompt was second chances)
Everyone makes mistakes. It’s absolutely unavoidable to do or say the wrong thing. If it weren’t for second chances, then we’d all be leading lives of regret and guilt. Thankfully, there are some situations where we can turn around our own faults and make things better again.
Some are opposed to too many second chances. They say that second chances breed bad behavior and allow people to perform their misdeeds over and over again. I agree to a point. Some people obviously don’t want to change or make good. But many people have an honest desire to learn from their mistakes and do the right thing.
Because of this and because of my own personal experiences with second chances, I believe that society should soften it’s heart and learn to be more compassionate towards others. We’re all human after all, and who can honestly say that they’ve ever despised a second chance when it’s been given to them?
Kelly, I have been thinking about your essay for a few days now. I wanted to word this comment just right so that I would encourage you and not discourage you. In general, I think the thing that bothers you about your essay is that you have bent your writing style and skills to the topic rather than bending the essay topic/prompt to your style. You have such a fun, unique style of writing that it would be such a shame to waste an opportunity like this. When presented with a similar situation, it may be helpful to keep in mind the person/people who will be reading and judging/grading your essay. They will read hundreds of essays like the one you wrote, some better, some worse. But what if they were to pick up a paper in the middle of all these that was a refreshing poem with a moral at the end? Or how about a tickling piece of fiction where the main character’s mission was the essay topic? This is the same line of thought you will have to take if you are ever submitting a piece of work to an editor or publishing company. Of course you take a chance of them throwing the whole thing in the trash, but I think this is very unlikely.
Personally, I’d like to see your edited version of this essay, or a totally new one with some of these things in mind if you think they are helpful suggestions. Of course I realize you are very busy with your other school work…we are too!
Good luck – Audrey
That is great advise Audrey. We have been discussing this essay some here at home, too. Kelly and I agreed that this essay would gather more attention with the addition of an anecdote. Your suggestion that she turn the topic into something that suits her writing and thinking rather than let the topic dictate the style and substance of the essay is a super idea and a very timely and helpful comment. We were going to have Kelly do two of these ACT prep essays per week until the test in early February, but your comment prompted me to realize that rewriting her work would be a great learning exercise, especially if we can get this kind of constructive criticism. THANKS!
Eric
Based on Audrey’s input, Kelly, I wrote your essay for you.
This essay will make Harvard a slam dunk!!! Oh, yeah!
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Kaptain Kelly was not having a good day.
As she rolled left she felt thudding rounds clip past her right ear. This wasn’t the first time she’d been in a jam; she just couldn’t help wonder if it might be the last.
As she continued her pirouette into the safety of the adjoining room, she realized the clip in her Heckler Koch had just gone dry. Instead of the darkened room she had hoped for, she found herself looking straight into the cold dark eyes of Kommisar Kristian. He was holding an even colder and darker wad of automatic steel. His goons were clambering over debris on the stairs behind her.
“Awright,” she spat through gritted teeth, “I’ve had enough.” Tossing the empty H&K at her archrival, she reached into her purse and pulled out a grenade, tore the pin free and bit the handle in her teeth.
“Go ahead, buddy. Pull that trigger and we both go,” she growled past the grenade,”or you can call it a day and pray for a second chance.”
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Eric, I am humbled by your way with prose. I can’t quite tell whether there is more influence from Louis L’Amour or Mickey Spillane. There might even be a touch of Ian Fleming in there. I am going to get Kelly to really work to write like this. Someday she just might get accepted for Marine Corp infantry training!
Thank you Mrs. G! I really appreciate this kind of constructive criticism. It helps my writing soooo much. My essay does seem a bit forced to me too. When I write these kinds of things I always have the thought of guidelines and rules in my head, and that really detracts from my voice. I would definitely do a poem or piece of fiction if I could, but the book specifically says that those are not allowed. 🙁 But challenges are good! 😀 So I’ll work on that. Thank you very much for your help!
Mr. G. – I very much enjoyed your rollicking piece of fiction. 😀 You should totally write a novel someday! For real! 🙂
Ahhhh, it looks like I need to go out and finish my degree, get a job somewhere, bringing home the bacon and let Mr. G homeschool the children from now on! I think they certainly would have more fun! They’d read Sargeant Rock comic books to help them study WW2 history, type really fun essays for other people for language arts, play “Fantastic Contraptions” for physics and help daddy design antennas for math. Actually this thought and today’s post are good reminders for me to lighten up a bit and have more fun and ease off the time/schedule stress I put myself through unnecessarily!
Hear, hear! I just got smacked up side the thought with that myself Audrey.
Just call me Walter Mitty.